Lady Captain’s Diva Moment (Burns Night)



A wee movie of Lady Captain’s Diva Moment, click the back button in your browser to return to this page after clicking on this link: My Diva Moment on video
A wee movie of Lady Captain trying to sing! click the back button in your browser to return to this page after clicking on this link:    A bit more Wailing!

Burns Night 28th January pm: What a great experience, and I have discovered that I do like haggis! I felt for the poor piper who was standing outside the front entrance of the club piping everyone in as they arrived. The poor man was still cold when he at last came indoors. But he led the haggis (carried by Chef, Alex) with splendour and I enjoyed the bagpipes. We all clapped as it came in. David Greef then “killed” it as he read out the usual “address to the haggis” and we all toasted it. Then it went away to be put on our plates. The meal was lovely, and the whole evening went very well. The laddies address to the lassies was given by Graham Carver (of 2017 Pantomime Ugly Sister fame) whose bright red shirt and tartan bow tie dazzled everyone during his masterful rendering. Then it was the turn of the lassies to reply. Di Calcott and I did a “sister act”: Di was the master of speech; I [tried to be] the master of song! Here you can see a few photographs and a couple of little videos taken by my daughter-in-law Lisa, Peter King and Keith Howlett (no comments please!), as well as our script below. (I apologise that the photographic record is a bit one-sided – if anyone else took any photos they would like to share, please send them to me and I will update this tale) of course the unrecorded add-libbing made a difference which unfortunately cannot be reproduced here as it was spur of the moment stuff. It was wonderful that everyone sang their hearts out with me. It was a capacity crowd as all tickets had been sold. It is 10 years or more since I performed (having suddenly lost the ability to sing), but it felt lovely, and thank you to everyone who joined in the spirit of it all. Due to arthritis I also could not play my guitar (even though I had practiced for months), so my wee laddie third son, Paul played the accompaniment. Di fell in love with him! (Paul is a semi-professional bass guitarist with a few bands, but one in particular called Vision – see them here. I recommend you listen to the video “December ’63”: click the back button in your browser to return to this page after clicking on the Vision link)
Julia Gray, our Social Secretary, did a splendid job in organizing the event – thank you Julia.

Di’s first bit:

My lords, ladies, gentlemen, distinguished guests, and everyone else who is still trying to work out what was in the haggis, it is my and Tina’s pleasure to deliver ‘the Reply to the Toast to the Lassies’. Please look at the wee bits of paper being delivered to your table. The first part of our address is to have a “wail away” with the help of all the Lassies present – and we expect the Laddies to join in with the chorus. We will be very ably accompanied on guitar by Tina’s most handsome son, Paul [I’m in luv!]. I am sure you are all familiar with the famous Scottish Folk Song – Will Ye Go, Lassie Go – that is the tune we shall sing to. We have changed the words a bit to fit the occasion.

SING THE SONG: Ode to Bourn Golf Club – Will ye Play Laddie Play

My Solo: Now we honour haggis fine and recall a Scottish Poet | The farming Bard of Ayrshire could not afford a glass of Moet | Still he glows, Laddie glows | And we’ll all glow together like the mouse, wee timorous beastie | or a Red Red Rose for lovers Still he glows, Laddie glows


Solo Verses:
1. Now the spring is nearly come at the Greenskeepers pleasure | So that members can have fun, at club Bourn Golf and Leisure | Will ye Play Laddie Play

2. When the summer time is come and the trees are sweetly blooming | Though when they’re in your way, hear the cussin’ and a-cursing | Will ye Play Laddie Play

3. I would rather have a pond where my ball lands like a fountain | But alas we have Bourn Brook, it’s like climbing down a mountain | Will ye Play Laddie Play

4. Phil has built for us a bower, and fee payers use our fairways | But Old Laddies play on Mondays and Fair Lassies play on Tuesdays, | Will ye Play Laddie Play

5. Yes the heart of Bourn is great ‘cause we all get on together | So let’s toast to our good fortune, may the haggis last forever | Will ye Play Laddie Play

Di’s second bit:
And just before we raise our glasses, here is a little quote from a man* who understands women:

I think women are foolish to pretend they are equal to men.
They are far superior and always have been.
Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.
If you give her sperm, she will give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she will give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she will give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she will give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.
So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit!

So, fair lassies, we invite you to stand and toast all the lovely laddies here in the room without whom we would ne’er be broken hearted, and without whom we would never have loved or have been loved so kindly. TO THE LADDIES!

*William Golding, British Novelist, Playwright and Poet 1911-1993.